Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
