Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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