U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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