I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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