Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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