You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
