Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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