I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
NoShamevember. You game?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
