ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
