Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize