He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
