i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
