Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
