when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize