smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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