I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
