dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
