i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
