When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
