someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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