if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
