I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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