i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
