I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
