Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
