You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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