I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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