can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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