Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
