what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
