But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
