wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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