I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
