my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
