so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
