some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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