Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
