Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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