3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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