i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
