5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
