I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
