Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
