Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
