im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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