i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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