So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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