Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
