my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
