i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
