I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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