My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
