The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
