I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
