roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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