On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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