i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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