watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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