i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
