Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
