woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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