I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
