What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
