all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
