i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Someone came in the potted fern
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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