I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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