there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
