We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
