I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize