yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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