yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
