My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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