At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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