Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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