I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
