My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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