I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
