you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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